Throughout the creation of this book, I struggled to come up with content as I wanted it to all be my own. This semester has been an immense journey of soul searching. As I continued to think about it, I realized I was completely lost.
As a result, I decided to throw away my “progress” because I found it consistently holding me back. I only wish that I would have been able to allow myself to do it sooner. I have a hard time letting go to the past (figuratively as well as literally), because there have been several times it has saved me; some of which you will find in this book, actually. I consistently think about what others may be thinking, which is actually not one hundred percent true. There was one person, specifically, that I was terrified of, and that person was Tanya Rubbak—my instructor throughout this semester.
What scares me most about her is that I felt her giving me higher standards to fill, and I didn’t believe that I could actually fill those standards. I still have yet to tell if this is indeed true, but for the sake of ‘tooting my own horn,’ I believe it was so. I do believe my ability to succeed is great, though you won’t hear me say that very often.
I’m not the best student, but I try harder than almost everyone I know. Things also come a little harder for me so it’s also generally necessary for me to try harder on some tasks that some may find easier while the opposite is true as well.
Honestly, I believe I have fantastic ideas that are continuously entering my head. I keep notebooks for mind-wandering rants and I talk to others about my thoughts, which sometimes turns out to be a mistake, but I learn from it every time.
Once I did this, I found it so much easier to take a deep breath in and write my story. This book is and always has been an exploration of self, but I have pushed my modesty and uncertainty aside in attempt to make this book fantastic and all about how I’ve been learning to become me.
I hope you enjoy.
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